Being a teenager, you experience so many new things.
Dissapointments, first crushes.. ect. So many firsts.
It's just a learning process I guess. I remember not even caring what I looked like in elementary school. Now, I spend about 3 minutes just thinking about what I'm going to wear. Strange how things change.
Your mind also matures when you're a teenager. I never fully comprehended what my parent's fights were about. Why father wasn't there for graduation, award assemblies, conferences, or anything that was important to me. Why did he come home at 5 AM, with no explanation. The screaming, yelling, slamming of doors. I really started to connect the pieces together just recently. Either they stopped caring to cover it up, or I got smarter. And with that, came feelings of betrayal and hurt. I'm not the type to cry though. All these feelings start coming at you, along with homework to do, and people to deal with, it gets tiring. I think I get a tiny bit of pain everytime I come home with a "highest grade in the class" or "perfect score" and all I get is a door shut in my face. Not even a measely "good job" or "keep up the good work." Despite the hours you spent studying or the days you put into the project. (I'll write in more detail eventually)
Now, you really look at life. You have about 4 more years till college, then 4 more years after that till you're, for the most part, on your own. What will you be? Kids have already become millionares by the age of 14. You start thinking about hopes and dreams and accomplishments.
Then you look back when you were in kindergarten looking up at the 6th graders in the "big kid's" playground. You looked forward to go into 4th grade and being able to play in the upper grade play ground. Then you looked forward to jr. high. Now that I'm here, I realize how naive I was. 4th grade is really young to me now, 6th grade doesn't seem all that great to me now either.
My junior high years have gone by the faster than any of my elementary school years. Each week, you set you goal to complete this project, then next week there is always another one. Week after week. Then you realize the school year is done, and you look back and had some regrets. Like, why didn't I try harder in this class? or Why didn't I make the most of my time here?
I'm not afraid of the future. Just anxious I guess.
Time flies.
I've been extremely sleep deprived lately, sorry for the not-so-great article.__________________________________________________
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