Most of my friends have confidence issues. They won't do anything unless someone else is there to do it with them. They're scared of being judged -- the disappointment.
I was pretty much the same. I was the shy one, the one who always sat in the corner. Now, I guess, I've discovered my confidence. A close relative died a year ago, which made me think about how life is so short. It's a waste to be shy. I've been making more friends. What people think of me has not worried me much. Yet, nowadays, I've been questioning that.
People expect me to be this person. To always be a person who is happy and bubbly. The risk-taker, the one who doesn't care what people think about. They expect me to selflessly do things for them. They expect things from me when they need them. Yet, I never get anything back in return.
I don't want to complain, but it's just been gnawing at me for months.
Sometimes, I just feel like my family life is falling apart at the seams. I would say that school is my escape. Hmm.. that's another story though.
But I have to put up this act. "I'm great and happy!" when I'm really not. "I'm sorry" when it was never my fault. I have to be the model student. The one who all the teachers love. The one who gets the highest grades. The one who behaves. The one who leads. The one who knows what to do. I sit and listen to all my friends problems. I nod and sympathize. I try to be comforting. I always ask everybody how they are doing. Yet when I need it, it's not there.
I hate bottling up my emotions. I really wish someone could listen to me. Just listen.
If you knew me. I would probably be the last person you'd think would write this.
Meh, this is just teenage angst talking probably.
Sincerely,
The Editor
Sorry for my very annoying article. :) I just had to let it out.__________________________________________________
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